I wasn't going to write again tell after the Arnold, but I just couldn’t stay away from chatting with you. Coffee is just not the same without talking to the Attitude Nation. Writing has become a big part of my life; a big part of the training, a big part of relationships, and most importantly getting to know and understand myself. Writing is my therapy, without it I feel claustrophobic, uptight, and lonely. So I hear I am, back with you one more time before the Arnold. Lets grab some coffee, put on a Piano guys song, put on our phantom mask's with the dark cape, and let’s sing together in this ever so odd world of the dark symphony - while the world shuns us!
The Taper bug has finally left, thank the Lord. The last week I have been tired, weak, slow, and unmotivated. I have been sleeping like a new born baby, too lazy to even play video games. Just enough energy to sit in the hot tub and stare at a swaying tree for about 30 minutes. This always happens to me before a big meet, or any meet that is. I call it the Taper bug. The Taper bug is when you start to back off the training and rest the body. The volume goes way down, the squat workouts get easier, the length of training gets cut in half, and the overall intensity lowers with each workout. You become more sore, achy, slow, and even weaker the more the taper bug enters your body. Why? I have no idea. You would think it would be the exact opposite. It’s like your body finally gets some rest and takes full advantage of it. Your body shuts down, like a bear for the winter, a big Donny shankle bear. Lol, sorry I don’t know why I just said that, but the image is pretty funny. Months and months of hell training, months and months of beating this bloody muscular skinned thing we call our body down. Time after time of kicking it every time it tries to get up. Now when you let it stand, it doesn’t just jump up and say "let’s go"! but no, the body slowly gets on one knee first, and then the right hand helps support your the left, and after a few days of trying to stand up it does, slowly but surely. But my friends.....It doesn’t just stand...no, it grows 90 feet tall and smashes everything in front of it. "Green Monster” my old blog explains this perfectly.
I have been in depression the last week. The taper bug got to my head a little bit, and the taper cloud over my head really brought me down. A few small injury's and some tweaks in the lower back is the minds worst enemy, and the body's worst optical. Even coffee didn’t help. Weight after weight being missed, twitching legs while a sleep, and low energy levels, haaaa! NO MORE!! I have smashed the bug and grabbed my gun. I have reunited with the Nation and we will attack. Snap out of it Champ, you have a title to defend. Three time Arnold champ has a certain ring to it. You have a medal to send around the world, no time for pity. No time for "what ifs”, no time for the weight to feel heavy, just lift and win....then do to all again. After they put the medal around our neck, salute the Nation with pride boy.
Yes that all sounds good, but a minute later my hands start to sweat again, my heart rate goes up, and my mind starts playing tricks on me again. The opener keeps me up at night, the opener haunts me. Sometimes I feel like running, running to a small town and hiding in a bar. Forgetting that I am 4 months sober and drinking my worries away night after night. Yes, this sounds great, no more pressure, just a white flag and my vodka. Every sip of that Vodka would warm my soul and make me feel good again. No more pain and hype, no more hateful comments towards me, no more long days training in the gym, no more letting people down if I do bad. But then again I would be letting many people down if I ran away. Then again I would not have you. I would no longer be a part of the Attitude Nation. Being a part of this Nation is everything to me, I take pride in it. Vodka is a nation of destruction and failure. Vodka is a friend who will smile to my face and then stab me in the back.
Fuck, this blog is all over the place, I am sorry, this is why I haven’t wrote in a few days, I knew this would happen. I am glad I wrote this blog today, I feel its centering me and putting me back in a place of comfort and confidence. So thank you.
Someone call the small town bar and tell them I won’t be making it in, I have a title to defend. Tell Vodka I am sorry for no showing, and not to wait up for me. Remind him that I am with the Nation still, and I will never leave them.
Smash the Taper bug and Win The Arnold 2013
Smash Sir Vodka and keep marching with the Nation 2013
Last fridays max out video. The last max out day tell Arnold. Plus i walked into coaches office at a perfect time.
Calm before the storm 2016