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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Coach Jackie Mah

Coach Jackie Mah you are an angel. You are a savior, you are a saint; you are warmth. Your soul has nothing but love in it. Your heart beats so loud and strong, that I can feel it from across the room. You have helped so many people in the world of weightlifting and in life. Everything you touch turns to gold. The look in your eyes is a blinding ray of passion and care. You don’t walk you float, you don’t coach you change lives, you smile and the world lights up, your presents is as comforting as Christmas morning. Coach, you can cure sadness with one touch, you lift much more than weights; you lift us all higher than your arms can reach. There is a reason that when you compete, the walls almost crumble down from the cheers and support that you receive. You have mastered the hug. The Jackie Mah Hug is world famous and the best hug anyone can ever receive. Your hug could cure cancer. Your strength can drag the Titanic out of the water with one hand; your love is changing the world.

Thank you for taking me under your giant white wing. Thank you for being my coach. I remember when we first met like it was yesterday. I was an unbroken horse who was wrestles and frustrated from being told I could never play football again. My report card was full of F's and life was approaching fast. I had no plans, dreams or paths to walk down. I’ll never forget the first time you approached me in the sac state gym. I was all over the place throwing around bars like a blind mad man on a rampage. I was the UN seen racing horse, who none of the trainers could control. Then from the corner of my eye, you slowly approached me and gently grabbed my arm. I remember how I just stopped everything and we both just looked at each other for a few seconds. A small smile came over your face as you introduced yourself. For some crazy reason all my frustrations and pain seemed to go away at that moment. Just one look and one touch from you, and you broke the wild horse who nobody wanted to even get near. You told me that everything was going to be ok; you told me that you would love to be my coach, and at that moment you changed my life. I remember closing my eyes and taking a deep breath like I could finally breath, like everything was going to be ok; and it was.

Coach Jackie Mah, thank you for believing in me. Thank you for giving me a chance, thank you for giving me a life and showing me the way. Thank you for caring about me, thank you for feeding me at your house when I was broke and hungry. Thank you for the national title that we always wanted from day one. I remember we use to always talk about it, and now we have it. Thank you for the love you have shown me and the love you have given to others. Thank you for all the life coaching, keeping me out of trouble, giving me a purpose, and shining your bright light on my once very dark world. You took a chance with this crazy horse, and I hope I have made you proud. Thank you for the signed Arnold picture you gave me, thank you for teaching me all your great weightlifting secretes that made us a champion. Thank you for being you. I love you coach. Jackie Mah 2012

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Bad Guy just stabbed me in the stomach. YouTube stabbed me in the back, Tnation kicked me while I was down, go heavy spit on me, and every other forum out there hates me. You hate me, you want me gone, you don’t like the attitude, and you don’t like the celebrating, the enthusiasm, or my antics. Pumping up the crowd and showing emotion will get you hung. You would love to drag me to the highest tree and hang me. You would get off your couches and all hold hands with smiles while my neck snaps, as I hang there swinging back and forth. Jon North is finally gone; Jon North is finally dead, now we can lift in peace, now he won’t embarrass his country anymore, now we can get back to our way of doing things. This sport is not welcoming; this sport has nothing but hate for me. I am not welcome here. I am an outlaw, the step son, the bad guy. I guess I have taken the roll of the bad guy. Everyone hates the bad guy, and you can’t wait tell I break my leg or get hit by a bus, but that’s ok, because I am here for you to hate. I am your stress ball to squeeze on. The Attitude Nation is your shoulder to lean on.

Attitude Nation, what these people and forums don’t know is that we are made out of steel. There dull knives can’t penetrate our skin. Throw your rocks and sticks, we won’t fall. Hang me from your tree, my neck doesn’t break. I will never stop being me, I will never stop representing my Country, I will never stop slamming those bars, spitting on those weights and pissing you off. If you don't like me now then you are in trouble, because I will only get worse, The Attitude Nation is growing, and that means people like you will grow as well, its just human nature. We will become your worst nightmare. I am the boogie monster in your closet my friends, I am the guy you can talk shit about in front of your girl, so you look like a bad ass. I give you something to do during the day.

I hope you sleep better at night after you write words of hate, I hope you feel better about yourselves after you cut me down, I am glad I can make you feel better about yourselves and hopefully I give you more confidence. Sleep well my angels, because tomorrow I am going to do more to piss you off, and that means you have a long day of cutting me down and coming up with more words of hate. You should all get together and find the most devil things to say to me, and I will rate them from 1 to 10. But you never share the words of hate to my face....why? Why do you hide from me? Why do you hide behind your computers? Why can’t you come out and play with me? The Attitude Nation is fun, join us! Who are you? What do you do? Why do you really hate me so much? I feel bad for you, all that anger inside towards me, and you can only get out through your key board. The Attitude Nation loves you, everything will be ok, and the bad guy loves you too. Anytime you get down about your life and you need someone to take it out on, I am here for you, you can lean on me and stab me over and over all you want. You can spit on my face and throw your rocks. I will be your punching bag; I will take one for the team. The Attitude Nation is here for all you who hate us. Keep going! Don’t stop! Let it out, get your feelings out, get your frustration out, go go go! The bad guy needs your fuel, the Attitude Nation runs on your hate, we need you just as much as you need us! So please never stop. Please get online right now and spread your words of hate about us, what are you waiting for!

I want to thank you all for building my profile as an athlete bigger and bigger over the years. Your time writing about me online has made me more popular than ever. They say bad exposure is good exposure, well… I would have to agree with that saying. My website is selling out weekly, I have shot three advertisements overseas this year alone, I am now sponsored by four companies, I am the proud coach of many athletes, your exposure has helped me fly all over the world teaching seminars, and last but not least your words of hate have given me the fuel to keep training harder and harder every day. Your hate keeps me making teams every year, keeps me wining national tittles every year, I am the champ because of you, I have represented my Country because of you, and I will break the American records because of you, so please don’t ever leave me. I need you. The Attitude Nation thanks you! Merry Christmas! Bad Guy 2012

Monday, November 21, 2011

Mr Black Sheep

Black sheep is walking to the gym. Black sheep has very lonely low eyes that only make contact with you for just a second, Intel he looks back down. Black sheep’s throws a baseball across the world; black sheep is a black sheep and marches to his black drum. Black sheep takes hot baths, while the white sheep take cold baths. The other sheep laugh at him for eating the wrong food in the meadow; black sheep seems to get lost in day dreams from time to time. Mr. Black sheep just does things differently than the other sheep. But what the white sheep in the village don’t know is that Mr. Black sheep sneaks off every night into the darkness, past the field, past the forest and over a lake that has been forbidden for any sheep to cross. There in the green tall grass that grows taller than his whole sheep body, lays about 20 other black sheep who were quietly waiting on Mr. Sheep who was running late like usual. All the black sheep were hidden from the tall grass and there black fur blended in perfectly into the night, which made them almost invisible. The tall grass moved fast as all the sheep start running further and further into the forbidden field witch finally opened up to a dream world, a world that no white sheep has ever seen, a world where they could be themselves and not be judged, a land of their own. The food, the water, the tree climbing, the flying, the games they played, yes these sheep could fly and climb trees. They could do anything. They were free and happy; they did what they wanted to do and didn’t listen to anyone else.

The world of the white sheep was very limited by the few books they had in the village. Limited by the lack of courage that the white sheep had, limited by the sense of adventure and wonder, limited by a few in the village that made the rules and told them how to think. The white sheep were brain washed, they were told how to play, run, eat and sleep. The young sheep would ask "well why"? And the older sheep would reply by saying "because” that’s why. They were gated off, the windows closed, the kid sheep became dependent on what all the books said and lost all imagination. The white sheep were dying for life, they were gasping for air, they were handcuffed to others worlds and teaching's, they needed to be set free, experience things on their own. “Touch the hot fire son”, ouch! “Father why did you have me touch the hot fire it hurt”? “Now you know how it feels my son, now you will never be tempted to touch it again, now you know for yourself rather than just taking y word for it”. A few of the white sheep heard about this teaching that the father performed to his son, and other things like taking hot baths instead of cold, and this upset the white sheep so much that they kicked the farther and son out if there village into the world they have never seen, just heard about. As they walked further and further they found all the black sheep crossing the forbidden lake. The black sheep saw the sadness on the fathers face, and how the son was more scared than ever. The night just became much, much colder.
The attitudes of the black sheep changed in seconds, as all 20 of them lifted themselves 8 feet tall on their hind legs. The white sheep looked up in dis believe. The black sheep walked past the farther and son as they marched towards the village. The closer they got the more black sheep would join, where did they come from no one new. Hundreds then thousands then millions came together. They came out of holes, trees, high grass, some even came down from the sky with wings, and they marched.

They march turned into a slow walk, then a fast walk, then a dead sprint as they entered the village that almost took up 1,000,000 acres of land and prisoned white sheep. The black sheep swarmed into the city like water hitting the sand. They destroyed everything in sight. Standing up to the leaders who didn’t want freedom. The leaders who made them feel like outsiders. They black sheep stood on the highest mountain and told the white sheep to live there life’s, be themselves and try things on your own. The white sheep were free to do as they pleased once all the walls and ceilings were torn down and the sheep in power were told to leave and never come back. The black sheep got back on four legs and went back to their dream world over the lake. The new village was now a dream world; the black sheep call their dream world the attitude nation. The End

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Room 2

The closer you got to room 2 the darker the hallway got. The lights would flicker and the wind would whistle through the broken door leading to the outside court yard. The same yard where I would cry before class. The same yard I would sit in, while class was in session. Eyes where sad, heads were down, and bad attitudes were in full effect. Anger and sadness where the two feeling's you got while being around room 2. The sky was not the limit for us, therefor the sealing was lower and the options for life were scars. In room 2 you will find zombies that never went far from the room, lunches were eaten fast in a different part of the cafe, and soon back to base. A place where we were catergorized, put to the side for the other kids to play and grow like weeds. Room 2 was a place for kids who were "special” a place for kids who had trouble learning, a place where I called home from 1st grade to 12th grade.

5+5=11 what did I just read? What is the teacher talking about? Why are all the kids writing? the room is so quite from all the heads down taking the test. I wonder why jimmy whore that green shirt, why is the teacher reading about planes? I can’t keep my head down; I am going to fail this test very badly, just like all of them. I hate school, I hate this classroom. My mom told me never to say hate, but I hate this test. The writing on the paper is in Spanish and I can’t stop moving my feet. All I feel is frustration and anger. I keep staring outside the window wondering what’s out there for me. What am I going to do in that big world? Kids start to turn their papers in with smiles, and I keep writing over my name bolder and bolder, over and over, with a look of defeat. I need to move, I need to get out of this school and get into the world. I am in jail; this book is my hand cuffs, this school is my prison. I want to be free, I want to lift weights, run, play football, get into a fight, be hit, hit, try new things, go to the edge and almost fall over. I want to live, I want to move on to the next room and say goodbye to 2 and see how 3 or 4 is. I want to explore, find a world of my own and live there forever.

c,d,c,f,c,d,c on my report card. I really thought this one was going to be better. I will go train in the school gym, a place that I could just sit in and feel good. A place that was always cold but warm, a place where I could feel confident in, a place that always felt like Christmas morning. The worse my report card was, the more weight I lifted, and the more I realized that I must learn how to play the game of life. Find my own way through this maze, I must be a fighter, must attack the world from a different direction than most, or I will die in room 2.

But my plan of attack was not working. College came around and I was chained deep in the dark whole of room 2 never to be seen again. I would here the kids talking about jobs, money, success, dreams, there major, there interviews and achievements. I remember wanting to be them so very bad, I wanted to have something I could do, touch, have control over, make my own, just like all of them. I was upset at myself, know one else.

Room 2 let me go when they finally kicked me out for bad grades. The jail cell opened and the outdoors light was bright, the sounds were loud like I just stepped onto a new planet for the first time. No money, no job, no life. I would sit on the outside bench watching all the people walk by me back and forth like they were in a movie being directed by a director. I was still moving my feet, having random twitches in my arms and shoulders. There was something in me that wanted out, an alien that was about to rip my stomach open and start hoping over cars.

The night was freezing when I was woken by an angel with three white stripes looking down on me. I was still on my bench when I saw this women with wings. There were know more people, know more loud sounds, just me and this women in the cold night. She was beautifull. Take this bar sweet child, and lift it above your head with all the might in the world. Do this and you will have a purpose, lift this bar and you will be set free, lift this bar and you will find love in your life and even change the lives of others. Go ahead grab it, take it in your hands and raise it above your head like it’s the world. Now go, follow the path the bar has for you, and make your mother proud, your sister proud, and yourself proud, walk and never look back.

I was lost back then but now I am found. I was confused back then but now I am smart, I was an F now I am an A, I was losing back then now I am winning, I was laughed at now I am laughing, I had 5 special attention teachers, now I teach. I was sad now happy, I failed English now I write, I had hate in me and now I love. Now I lift every day. I lift the world over my head, I lift for my family, I lift for my wife, I lift for you mom, I love you mom. Attitude Nation I salute you. 2012

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Day 1

song - John Williams A.I. OST Monica's theme

     Wake up my friend,  because today is day 1.    Today is the day where you get to start over, start fresh, or just add on to something you have been doing for some time now.  But today is different, today you are done trying, you are done experimenting, done thinking, done asking, done reading, done watching, done learning,  now its time for doing.  There is something in the air this morning, the smell is different, the hard wood floor underneath your feet when you get out of bed feels different, your shower is hotter and your shave glides like snow dogs pulling there sled.  Your coffee tastes better and stronger, the sun hits your face through the slightly opened window that feels amazing from the warmth and the cold air hitting you at the same time.  Today is a different day, a brand new day, a Christmas morning day.
    This morning I will create my own path to walk down, and what I do when I walk down this path is what I have aways wanted to do.  But see I ran into many monsters on my old path, did things that I wish I never did, acted certain ways that I lose sleep over, and hurt many people that I wish I never hurt.  I have no excuses, even though I foolishly blame a few things like the flowers I chose to eat and my bad choice of water I chose to drink, but at the end of the day its just me walking down a lonely dark path.  Day 1 is different, the path is bright and I will not make the same mistakes I made on my old path.  I will become a better person, I will train harder than ever, I will double my shot of love and appreciate this short life much more. 
    I drive to work and all you see is a flash of light, I drink my coffee and I grow fifteen feet taller, for the first time in a while I want to lift weights.  I coach tell I pass out,  I don't open doors I kick them down, and I love all the people who hate me.  The attitude nation is day 1 everyday, we will not let the dark corners of life capture us and bring us down.
     Weightlifting is so mental, that it can effect your whole career if you have a bad outlook on the sport or in life in general.  I have missed many lifts from a sad, weak, or scared mind.  That will never go away all together, but the less these thoughts and emotions happen, the better you will train.  Train hard today and you will feel good tomorrow, and when you feel good tomorrow, you will then want to train hard the next day.  The better you train, the better you feel, the better you will sleep, the better you will eat, the better  your life will be.  This is why weightlifting to me is not just a sport but a way of life, my air, my gas and the only thing that keeps me going.  Without it I would be in a mental institution knocking my head against the wall over and over again.  I would be un happy, I would be weak minded. Weightlifting keeps you real, gives you feedback on who you are as a person, and always hits you in the face when needed.  If you can bust through the walls of weightlifting, fight the pain and let downs, and keep training everyday no matter how you feel, than you can do anything in life, you are a gladiator.   See the reason I am writing this blog this morning is because I am very down right now, I do not have any confidence or motivation at this time becasue I haven't lifted weights in the last few days.  I just got back from the Grand Pri where I did horrible, even the coffee is having a hard time picking me up.  So I write, I write to the attitude nation and I feel better.   People who get me, where others look at me like an alien.  Thank you for giving me a chance, and eccepting me for me.
       I train today at two so I am very very excited to get my fix, get that "pump", that emotion, that straight shot of life, then I will be back to normal.  See what most people don't know about me is I get very down, from being so high.  There is know middle ground for me, one extreme or the next, just like my coffee, training, drinking, and etc... Something I have been struggling with and working on my whole life.  Weightlifting will some day cure this, I am sure of it.  
     Today is day 1.  Today is the first training session for the Americans.  Today is the first day where the attitude nation marches faster and harder, day 1....lets train.