The closer you got to room 2 the darker the hallway got. The lights would flicker and the wind would whistle through the broken door leading to the outside court yard. The same yard where I would cry before class. The same yard I would sit in, while class was in session. Eyes where sad, heads were down, and bad attitudes were in full effect. Anger and sadness where the two feeling's you got while being around room 2. The sky was not the limit for us, therefor the sealing was lower and the options for life were scars. In room 2 you will find zombies that never went far from the room, lunches were eaten fast in a different part of the cafe, and soon back to base. A place where we were catergorized, put to the side for the other kids to play and grow like weeds. Room 2 was a place for kids who were "special” a place for kids who had trouble learning, a place where I called home from 1st grade to 12th grade.
5+5=11 what did I just read? What is the teacher talking about? Why are all the kids writing? the room is so quite from all the heads down taking the test. I wonder why jimmy whore that green shirt, why is the teacher reading about planes? I can’t keep my head down; I am going to fail this test very badly, just like all of them. I hate school, I hate this classroom. My mom told me never to say hate, but I hate this test. The writing on the paper is in Spanish and I can’t stop moving my feet. All I feel is frustration and anger. I keep staring outside the window wondering what’s out there for me. What am I going to do in that big world? Kids start to turn their papers in with smiles, and I keep writing over my name bolder and bolder, over and over, with a look of defeat. I need to move, I need to get out of this school and get into the world. I am in jail; this book is my hand cuffs, this school is my prison. I want to be free, I want to lift weights, run, play football, get into a fight, be hit, hit, try new things, go to the edge and almost fall over. I want to live, I want to move on to the next room and say goodbye to 2 and see how 3 or 4 is. I want to explore, find a world of my own and live there forever.
c,d,c,f,c,d,c on my report card. I really thought this one was going to be better. I will go train in the school gym, a place that I could just sit in and feel good. A place that was always cold but warm, a place where I could feel confident in, a place that always felt like Christmas morning. The worse my report card was, the more weight I lifted, and the more I realized that I must learn how to play the game of life. Find my own way through this maze, I must be a fighter, must attack the world from a different direction than most, or I will die in room 2.
But my plan of attack was not working. College came around and I was chained deep in the dark whole of room 2 never to be seen again. I would here the kids talking about jobs, money, success, dreams, there major, there interviews and achievements. I remember wanting to be them so very bad, I wanted to have something I could do, touch, have control over, make my own, just like all of them. I was upset at myself, know one else.
Room 2 let me go when they finally kicked me out for bad grades. The jail cell opened and the outdoors light was bright, the sounds were loud like I just stepped onto a new planet for the first time. No money, no job, no life. I would sit on the outside bench watching all the people walk by me back and forth like they were in a movie being directed by a director. I was still moving my feet, having random twitches in my arms and shoulders. There was something in me that wanted out, an alien that was about to rip my stomach open and start hoping over cars.
The night was freezing when I was woken by an angel with three white stripes looking down on me. I was still on my bench when I saw this women with wings. There were know more people, know more loud sounds, just me and this women in the cold night. She was beautifull. Take this bar sweet child, and lift it above your head with all the might in the world. Do this and you will have a purpose, lift this bar and you will be set free, lift this bar and you will find love in your life and even change the lives of others. Go ahead grab it, take it in your hands and raise it above your head like it’s the world. Now go, follow the path the bar has for you, and make your mother proud, your sister proud, and yourself proud, walk and never look back.
I was lost back then but now I am found. I was confused back then but now I am smart, I was an F now I am an A, I was losing back then now I am winning, I was laughed at now I am laughing, I had 5 special attention teachers, now I teach. I was sad now happy, I failed English now I write, I had hate in me and now I love. Now I lift every day. I lift the world over my head, I lift for my family, I lift for my wife, I lift for you mom, I love you mom. Attitude Nation I salute you. 2012