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Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Lets Train, Shall We?

Grand daddy clock eyes, ticking side to side in a dark room full of numbers and arrows.  Chatter outside makes my ear stick to the door.  Too much NyQuil?  Or not enough sleep?  A dagger in one hand, and fire in the other, both tools I will keep tight throughout this blue dress adventure and smoking caterpillar world.  A scary sport to tackle alone, and one that loses many from its blinding snow storms and giant killer polar bears.  Get up boy and move.  Kill the bears and drink the green potion.  Grab your bar and breathe fire.  Smash your weights upon the lonely road you walk.  I will now smoke two for you and always ride one pant leg higher than the other.  Smoke travels around my face as I hide away in my jungle behind the gym.  A moment of "what the fuck have I become, what the hell is going on?"   I will kill a sheep, eat a sheep and send you half with "if it fits, it ships" mail.  Grow your hair long my friend, and jump.  Jump off those tall rocks into an ocean of release and light thoughts.  Splash deep and rip the head off a blue whale.

Let's train, shall we?  Let's inject protein and snort creatine.  When I am talking, I am Jon, but when I am writing, I am a gilled animal that fears the possibility of someday losing his mind completely.  This dark room door opens as I enter a cloud of forums and hate mail.  The sound of click makes me hiccup, the red box of a tube and you makes me dive into training even harder.  Punish the evil creatures with success and they will soon turn into warm steam.  Now the road to OZ is yellow, and the doors to the Olympics is green.  Odd thoughts take me from world to world as I slide down water falls of liquid codeine.  Inception keeps me awake as I try to figure out what is real and what's not.  Last time I checked, I was opening doors at T.G.I. Fridays.  Last time I checked, I had enough hardware to build a tree fort.

Let's train.....shall we?  Fast forward your training session and you will soon realize you are on a carouse wheel that goes round and round. "Round and round" Ha! If you like the movie The Truman Show you will get that line, if not... watch it.  Never ever listen to your body! Do you understand, kid in the middle row eating all that chocolate? Come up to the front of the class and explain why you are eating all that junk food young man.  "I smash Snicker bars down teacher because I am addicted to sugar, and sugar gets me jacked up, and being jacked up makes me fuck up weights, and fucking up weights makes me feel good....... teacher."  Bar up bar down, small jumps big jumps, goose bumps nervous thoughts and a whole lot of shots and big PR attempts!  Train, let's keep going.  Gold medals and more coffee.  Gold medal in coffee makes for eye popping training and USADA testing.  I'll piss in this cup and then piss on the competition platform.  Mine mother fuckers, now go home.  Now train! Lift, lift, lift, lift, equals lift.  This is my type of math.  Pencil to the desk as my other idiot special resource class mates giggle to the funny papers instead of reading Run Spot Run.  One day I snapped my pencil in half and crashed the window open like a monkey in a cage.  We all got loose and now all we do is train, train and train.

I know, I know, but let's keep going a little longer, shall we?  American Open..... Let's talk about that first word. It means sorry buddy, but the Nation took your pink slip and bought a horse to ride all over the warm up room with.  It feels good to be back, back in this ever so dark orchestra full of tears and violins.  Thank you for all of your support over the years.  We won Gold, not I.

I have no idea who made this video, but thank you very much.  Attitude Nation Salute! 

Here is my attempt at the American Record at 166kg 

Rio 2016


  1. Great work Jon!! Amazing energy and keep up the hard work!! Congrats on 1st place, well deserved!!

  2. Little late here. Congrats on the gold medal, and hope to see you on Rio 2016!

  3. Not a day goes by the name of JON NORTH is not spoken of in our gym... every lift i attempt i think of Jon attempting to snatch 160 plus kg over his head... calf problems? whatever... jon doesnt stop. the orchestra doesnt have time for calf injuries... 2016 is around the corner and there is nowhere on the schedule for calf injuries. friggin INSPIRATION you are mr north.... SALUTE