I mix my coffee in this room where I write to you while my legs shake from today's training. As the bar keeps rising and Americans get closer, I find myself drinking more and more coffee. More and more smokes as I pace my deck outside. My body has these random twitches that I can't seem to control, and have no real understanding of what they are. I find myself going to bed later and later for no real apparent reason. The negativity that leaks off the websites and forums keeps me from getting online. There is always hype coming from a new lifter. I don't care, and I don't want to know. They come and go. I will be at Americans and I will lift what coach tells me to lift. I wake up earlier and earlier sitting outside on my deck. My deck has become my new hang out spot, and again.... I have no idea why. Maybe I feel hidden out there, away from it all. Or maybe it's to attempt to collect my thoughts of what the hell has happened to me the last few years. Getting to know and understand this new man can be very hard and taunting. I like me now. I like the man I see now, and getting to know him has been a pleasure.
I squat low to stay hidden from my past demons. I move fast to stay 10 steps away from the smoke filled motel rooms. My up all night eyes are now wide open from up all day training. Crushed Vicodin has been replaced by chalk, and rooms full of skeletons have been replaced by friends and family aka weight room warriors. Strong s.o.b's and even stronger minded. Hot or cold, this is how I have lived my whole life. I have never been in the middle. Now I am all in and all out crazy with the weights. I guess this dreadful problem I have had my whole life paid off, funny how that works. Funny how one minute all you want is a drink, and the next is a bar. One day you want a hit, and the next you want a win. It's interesting to me how you can change so fast that it takes time for you to get to know you. Salute.
My Deck 2016