Coffee at night........Coffee in the dead of the night, as I write to the ones who raise hell during the day, and find peace at night. Throat hurts from the bar, while eyes sag from rage. Black eye from fighting.....teammates at war.....nothing new. I write the those who fuck shit up during the day, only to dream about it at night. A plot that thickens in the darkest of the night....fuck everyone, and hold those you love tight. Step and sleep, wake and turn, wrestle what Shankle cooks, and ripe what those wont. I type extra fast so I don't loose what hits me, cleans crash on me as I drink wine like Mathews. Red for wine, and dark like this living room, I say hello before we sleep, I say more coffee! Jump below to keep reading if you relate........the gym world is among us.......and its never to late.
A journal? I don't think so.....more like a confession to myself and those who read. Read then write, a confession from us develops throughout this dark night. No joke, 1am......coffee still by my side as the quiet tv once alive and well, now lays dead by my side, lifeless and stale. Junk is filled from the box of shit.....I don't watch shows that fill my mind with nothing more than.....well, shit. Moving on, one sip at a time. They told me to make paragraphs, so down I jump. Follow me tonight as I write about nothing more than Weightlifting.
I like to think thoughts of forgiveness while I write letters of apology. My mistakes may help others as they helped me, for my future kids will know all I did wrong, only so they can make wrong decisions on their own. They will fuck up, we all fuck up, and we will continue to fuck up. It's how we move around the fuck up, getting to the side of stand up, that makes it hard for most to swallow. Stand up and dust the dirt, shake the dust, and become a man of trust and self accountability. Nut the fuck up before you get knocked the fuck out......I tell myself as I look in the mirror. Did you think I was talking to you? No, I would never tell anyone how to handle themselves while looking into the unforgiving mirror. A place so real, that most of the times I wash my hands I never look up. I award myself so well with all my life gathered accomplishments I have earned and taken, never mistaken for deserve.....the only thing that deserves anything is children and animals, they are owed Love. Don't give it to them......well then....you my friend are a piece of shit terrorist and should be shot in the head. You my friend should be killed on the spot and taken far from this world. Love is owed to some.....only a few.....for the rest of us we fight, fight for what is ours and what we have worked so hard to get. I blame others so fast, this is what I write about tonight. My wrong paths and empty chats, leaving bad decisions in other hands. I sometimes walk away from what I created.....good or bad, rather than growing a pair and owing up. Both can spin in different directions by the way you handle them. Bad can turn good, as good can turn bad. The start is not the finish, for the finish is not 'til you're dead, your family and friends must always be first and your last.
I guess this coffee has a weird way of sliding me into a mood, slipping me off the kitchen chair into a room....a room so dark and thoughtful, while awareness blinds me as my hand hides from me. Black like my coffee, black like the lines around my eyes, that looks like eye liner even to my own surprise. A weightlifter's mind works all the time. Around the clock is we wait to squat, another minute passes as our legs become shot. The night before a meet is where you win, when the win becomes reality.....or when the win becomes a distinct dream that only lies within the dead of the night memories. Shot legs means strong for the meet ahead, acting slightly off means your going to be on like donkey kong. Just saying......now jump down!
Make odd twitches, talk to yourself in a way of not understanding yourself. Make those around you accept your odd mood as you move to a place that only some will ever see, a place that feels alone and free. Lost in space, where your breath feels like ice, and your heart beats like a fight your parents got into on a vacation cold night........the dead of the night make the worst fights. Alive we will be on top of a platform, a moon walk must take years of prep, just to realize what you are doing takes time to settle, as this coffee makes my emotions rise, like smoke from my other friend I call my tea kettle. Funny how coffee takes our bodies all over, at the same time keeping our mind pinned to one thing. I usually drink tea at night, but being up this late makes me excited for the next day fight. Will I sleep, yes of course, after you read this it's off to bed. Awaiting me awaits dreams of coffee mixed with c-4, weightlifting shoes and so many people walking out the front door. Hmmm.......I wonder.......where have they have all gone. What are they doing as I write along. I have dreams of meets gone wrong, only to dream within a dream they turned right. Friends and teammates I truly hope are doing alright. I have odd dreams of roller blading......crazy 8. Once thought it was cool to where jeans that covered the back of my shoes. Dragging behind like a wasted bum in a midnight saloon. Green skateboard with a Seattle helmet......I don't want to bore you with memories that only live within me, I'll keep this blog somewhat on point as I keep writing deeper into the night.......stay up with me longer...? If so.....jump to the next paragraph with me.
Thank you for jumping down. I feel like we are back in middle school sneaking out of our parent's house, only to destroy the community with eggs and toilet paper. Ding dong ditch to feel bad and mean, take that you house full of old people! Fuck everyone! We would yell so mad and hurt.....from what? I don't know...... to this day that same anger comes out, as if we were back slaughtering the quiet community we called home. Stay up and let's eat pizza and watch the Rock. A great movie that leaves us loving Cage, only to later ask ourselves why he is doing such shitty movies these days. Bed time is near, again.....thank you for staying up and sneaking out, egging houses and raising hell! Goodnight my fellow friend........see you tomorrow for another day in hell...
Though I don't know you......I truly know you. 2016 and beyond....next time you see me I will give that look, at that moment we will all strike....