Phantom

Coach is back, and Oh are we beat up.  I almost forgot how hard training is under Mr. Black Beard.  I almost forgot how dark this gym can become.  The sky turned red as he entered the gym, while the black birds circle our platforms just waiting to prey upon on any fallen weightlifter.  The black rain forest beard makes his eyes look much whiter than they really are.  Looking close....see, they have this yellow gloss that probably can tell many stories none of us will ever see or hear.  A hidden treasure chest lays deep behind his eyes, a chest with gold cob webs, skeletons that chase blue birds, and sandy hills that reach the sky and beyond.  Climb and keep climbing. I will climb with you coach, side by side to a land of impossible with people who are not waiting for our arrival.  A climb that leaves us with one foot still in the gym, and the other being eaten off by a childhood monster.  His unemotional face melts into liquid tar running down his leg like he just peed himself.  His droopy white eyes turn the black tar into an Oreo filled lake that runs across the gym and into my coffee.  For every sip I take, coach tells me to "make the lift".  I drink coffee all day because of this. I drink what coach says. I trust him more than this coffee I sometimes drop tears into.  The gym is now quiet, and the lifter's faces now whistle a new song, a jail bird song as the freedom we once knew is now gone forever..... or until coach leaves again that is.  Pain has re-entered my life, and frustration follows me wherever I seem to go.  A bomb shelter.... yes, this is what I need.  A mental mind I can escape, my own mind is the cause of the breeze that passes though the gym, not the window Shankle just opened.  I was doing just fine until coach's overwhelming presence shadowed the gym creating shaky legs and sewed shut mouths.  Who am I kidding though?  I wasn't doing fine while he was gone, yes I might have felt fine, but my lifts were gasping for air as I was suffocating them with a pillow.  I chose comfort over strength. I chose painless nights over pain filled nights.  I chose the devil in the red dress, and oh was she lovely.  But before I knew it my lovely flowers have turned black, my legs like fishing poles, and my confidence as weak as cotton.  The pain I left behind wasn't as painful as the pain I gained by leaving pain.  Weak pain is much worse than strong pain.  Coach brought me the one thing my training has been missing, and that is strength pain. Strength pain to gain gold medals.  My body has lost its adaptation to training, and for that I have been lost on the other side of Donny's key chains...... A land called the comfort zone.  I should have known that something was wrong when I actually entered training feeling good.  This is never good.  The day you feel good is the day you aren't training.  This is the day you are cheating yourself.  

Bad dreams while new weightlifters smile with PR's.  High fives between the rookies and coach..... where are my high fives?  Where is my good jobs?  I'm old news at the end of the gym picking berries for the garden of "easy to walk away from" I am growing.  Mr. Black Sheep that has been out casted by everyone in my life.  Fuck em all. I don't need anyone.  I'll train 'til my feet turn to dirt.  Not one meet, not one.  Thank you for this, and thank you for the abandonment you have shown me.  It's always been him over me, since day one.  Fatherless just added another one to the table as the other part of me dies away like the Vodka bottles I use to hug so tight.  Another man over this one.  I am tired of being second place, better yet, I am tired of being hurt from second only wishing I was your first.  Back and forth, back and forth I go growing up as a kid.  From one side of the moon to the other.  And this is my fault?  I am sorry I don't fit into your white picket fenced world.  Live behind your glass house, while I'll look in from my far away cave.  It's okay though. I'm starting to get used to this whole farewell family type trend that seems to haunt me.  Thanks for raising me.  I wish you could have just once seen me lift, just once.  

Thank you Niagara Weightlifting for hosting the 19th Attitude Nation Cert.  Canada is damn awesome and we had a tun of fun.  Please please stay in touch.  Salute.  

PR BACK SQUAT! As coach said, "It's about gosh dang time"!!  Lol  We have been going after this set of five for almost a year now.  

Stand up 2016