The growth of this sport is exciting to watch and to be a part of. Let’s keep pouring water on the bar, and let the kilos plates get enough sun, so the sport will bloom with color and height that casts a shadow over sports like football and baseball. Everybody plays a part in building this sport, but the Attitude Nation in my opinion is the leader and front runner of the whole movement. I chatted with the producers and directors of this upcoming documentary for a while at Nationals, and they are great people. They are excited to come out to Cal Strength and shoot for a few weeks, and we are even more excited to have them. I just might have to slam the bar extra hard while the cameras are rolling! This is what the sport needs, and I thank them, salute them, and am blessed that these warriors are joining the Attitude Nation to grow this sport to new levels!!! Hopefully they can raise the money they need to make this all happen; I threw in 20 bucks, and then told my rich mom to be generous…lol here is the video below.
Thank you Doug Larson, Mike Bledsoe, and James Cheney 2012
Also the Latest Cal Strength Video below! $500 on the line, and the winner is....
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Love triangle
As my rubber band stretches, my smile becomes much bigger. Independence is the key, freedom is beautiful, and the Stack is the gateway to this all. Green is my favorite color, and my freedom stack agrees with me completely. My freedom stack is my best friend, and it goes everywhere with me. Some times in my pocket, other times in the trunk of my car, hiding from others who want to steal him from me. He always has my back, and is there for me when I need him. My parents love him more than I do, he has taken me under his wing and helped me fly away from the mother bird’s nest. He has shown me that working hard has rewards, and that the rewards can make life much more comfortable, fun, easy, and exciting. My freedom stack also gives me the opportunity to train almost full time, and able to take time off to see my family and friends. So I thank him daily.
I never leave him alone in jail, (aka) the bank. I would never abandon him, we need each other too much. His smell is magnificent, and the swooshing sound he makes while I count him is music to my ears. He gives me confidence and motivation to keep working harder and harder every day. The harder I work the more he grows, the more he grows the more I grow as well. We feed off each other, we are the dream team. I have to take him cloths shopping for new rubber bands when he gets too big for his old ones. Shopping is great bonding time for us. He also drinks more coffee than I do, but the nice part is he always buys.
My national Gold medal gets jealous from mine and the stacks relationship, so I had to leave Ms. Gold in her glass case in the living room. It’s a complex triangle of love and hate. The Medal thinks that she is the reason why the stack even exists, and the stack thinks the medal just can’t let go of the past from 2011. I see both there points. Both forgot about one person though, and his name is work hard. Work hard is the reason why they both exist, work hard trumps everything. Work hard is the Godfather behind the curtain pulling all the strings, he is not just my best friend, but my role model. A man who I aspire to become every day to better myself and others. I owe everything to him, and medal and stack do too.
I hung out with work hard all day, and now it’s time for bed. I have tucked Ms. Gold and Mr. Stack into bed and sang them to sleep. Watching them sleep brings a tear to my eye. I am so proud of both of them, and I am so glad that they are in my life every day. Ms. Gold looks beautiful from the polish I gave her, and Mr. Stack looks good in his new rubber band that is stretched but sturdy. Good night my loved ones, and sleep tight.
I have to meet work hard early in the morning for training, so now I must get to sleep as well, goodnight.
Work hard 2012
I never leave him alone in jail, (aka) the bank. I would never abandon him, we need each other too much. His smell is magnificent, and the swooshing sound he makes while I count him is music to my ears. He gives me confidence and motivation to keep working harder and harder every day. The harder I work the more he grows, the more he grows the more I grow as well. We feed off each other, we are the dream team. I have to take him cloths shopping for new rubber bands when he gets too big for his old ones. Shopping is great bonding time for us. He also drinks more coffee than I do, but the nice part is he always buys.
My national Gold medal gets jealous from mine and the stacks relationship, so I had to leave Ms. Gold in her glass case in the living room. It’s a complex triangle of love and hate. The Medal thinks that she is the reason why the stack even exists, and the stack thinks the medal just can’t let go of the past from 2011. I see both there points. Both forgot about one person though, and his name is work hard. Work hard is the reason why they both exist, work hard trumps everything. Work hard is the Godfather behind the curtain pulling all the strings, he is not just my best friend, but my role model. A man who I aspire to become every day to better myself and others. I owe everything to him, and medal and stack do too.
I hung out with work hard all day, and now it’s time for bed. I have tucked Ms. Gold and Mr. Stack into bed and sang them to sleep. Watching them sleep brings a tear to my eye. I am so proud of both of them, and I am so glad that they are in my life every day. Ms. Gold looks beautiful from the polish I gave her, and Mr. Stack looks good in his new rubber band that is stretched but sturdy. Good night my loved ones, and sleep tight.
I have to meet work hard early in the morning for training, so now I must get to sleep as well, goodnight.
Work hard 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
10 Funny Things
10 funny things that happen in this great sport called weightlifting.
1.) The unknown, involuntary, animal, alien noises that seem to escape your mouth while lifting heavy weights.
2.) The ritual ticks and movements some call a dynamic start.
3.) Dropping the bar early from early celebration, and then getting three red lights.....damn
4.) Watching Donny eat a 60oz steak while the vegetarian family next to him stares in horror.
5.) Dropping candy on the ground for little kids, just to see how low there bottom position is. If good, then its recruit time!
6.) Hitting your private part with the bar! Ouch!....wait a minute, that's not funny.
7.) Getting banned from a buffet.
8.) People asking you if you are hurt because you walk funny. No! I just have the weightlifter walk, now leave me alone!!!
9.) The meticulous systematic ritual of chalking up....some say is a masterpiece of its own, to which others say "good lord hurry up"!!
10.) The amount of time between Mark Haz finally jerking the weight after he cleans it...lol! Come on Mark my clothes are going out of style!
What are you laughing at? Nothing is funny about weightlifting! And if you keep laughing the Nation will snatch you and slam you 2012 !!
The Latest Cal Strength Video. I made some crazy saves, while Donny Shankle made some funny expressions while watching. Salute, and see you tomorrow my friends.
1.) The unknown, involuntary, animal, alien noises that seem to escape your mouth while lifting heavy weights.
2.) The ritual ticks and movements some call a dynamic start.
3.) Dropping the bar early from early celebration, and then getting three red lights.....damn
4.) Watching Donny eat a 60oz steak while the vegetarian family next to him stares in horror.
5.) Dropping candy on the ground for little kids, just to see how low there bottom position is. If good, then its recruit time!
6.) Hitting your private part with the bar! Ouch!....wait a minute, that's not funny.
7.) Getting banned from a buffet.
8.) People asking you if you are hurt because you walk funny. No! I just have the weightlifter walk, now leave me alone!!!
9.) The meticulous systematic ritual of chalking up....some say is a masterpiece of its own, to which others say "good lord hurry up"!!
10.) The amount of time between Mark Haz finally jerking the weight after he cleans it...lol! Come on Mark my clothes are going out of style!
What are you laughing at? Nothing is funny about weightlifting! And if you keep laughing the Nation will snatch you and slam you 2012 !!
The Latest Cal Strength Video. I made some crazy saves, while Donny Shankle made some funny expressions while watching. Salute, and see you tomorrow my friends.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Everest
Drunk off coffee, so let’s see where she takes us today. I see a ladder that reaches higher than one can see. I see a long ways to climb, and a hard journey awaiting. People are gathered all around pointing up and talking about what they were looking at. Scratching their heads as they try to figure out the best plan to climb it. The unknown makes them nervous, and the height alone can literally make your knees shake before the climb even starts. While others talk and strategize, you began to climb. Pull and step with your eyes closed and don’t look down. You’re all alone on the ladder even though people are rooting for you down below. Keep climbing and don’t think, please don’t think.
The nights are cold and painful as you try to sleep. Your body hurts from the climb, so you must sleep to gain energy for the next day. You are woken up from others climbing down the ladder. They have seen too much and can’t take the climb, so they quit. They are nice about trying to get by you on their climb down because they are worried about what you think about them. Fuck em, you have to be selfish in this climb, you must use all your energy for yourself, and you mustn’t worry about the weak. Climbers like us don’t care about pain, we are not scared of hard, and we welcome the challenge. We have dedicated our lives to climbing, and “they” want to take the fucken elevator. Weak minded people don’t have a place in the nation, we cant be around them, they are cancer that could possibly spread behind our fortress walls. The Nation must work together to fight off the zombies.
My dad use to give me snicker bars before soccer games and tell me to kill everyone....I was 6, and I loved it. I would run up and down that soccer field like forest Gump. I wouldn’t ever pass the ball because I wanted the ball, I wanted to score. I would get thrown out of games from pushing a kid down because he pushed one of my team mates down. My dad would reward me for things like that. I know some might think that’s bad, and maybe it was, but I will tell you one thing, it made me a fighter, it made me fight for what I believed in. He would get thrown out of games from yelling at the refs in the middle of the field, "you’re out of here sir, and so is your damn kid"! Let’s go son, way to fight. Thanks dad, did I do good? Yes son I am proud of you, you really fought hard today. But dad other parents were talking about me not passing the ball, and how bad it was I pushed that kid down, why? Don’t worry about what people think of you son, you just be you and keep fighting every day. I love you, I love you to dad. Now let’s go get some beer and Buffalo wings, ok dad.
I have seen so many people in my life quit this sport, I feel I have been to war and I have lost many men. Every part of the gym reminds me of different people, different jokes and PR’s they would achieve. I miss them, I really do. They were good people, and even some I called my friends. But they all seem to slowly vanish in the cloudy chalk like a magic trick. I wonder where they went, and why they stopped. I love watching people train and get better, but I guess the word "better" has different meaning's to some. Some might not get a PR for a while, but there technique improves a ton and vice versa. Some might become much more consistent and comfortable with the weight, but there squat will go down and the three misses in training put them in a world of negativity and anger. I never under stood this. I would tell them "its ok, you only have been lifting for a few months, it takes time." But they don’t want to hear this, they want results and fast. They want to take the elevator, not the ladder. The next day a "no show", just memories of them on the old broken platform lifting weights while I cheer them on. The hardest part of being a coach is having to wipe away their names and PR'S from the white board, I hate it. I care, I really do. I want them to succeed; I want them to taste victory. Only if they knew how close they were to getting to level 2, then 3, then four and so on. I wish them the best of luck and hope they find something they love.
The Attitude Nation salutes all the fallen weightlifters. But we must move on. Goodbye to the weak, and onward the NATION MARCHES! Grab your snicker bars my friends, because there are many battles ahead of us!!!
ATTITUDE FUCKEN NATION 2012 !!!!!!!!!!!!!
The nights are cold and painful as you try to sleep. Your body hurts from the climb, so you must sleep to gain energy for the next day. You are woken up from others climbing down the ladder. They have seen too much and can’t take the climb, so they quit. They are nice about trying to get by you on their climb down because they are worried about what you think about them. Fuck em, you have to be selfish in this climb, you must use all your energy for yourself, and you mustn’t worry about the weak. Climbers like us don’t care about pain, we are not scared of hard, and we welcome the challenge. We have dedicated our lives to climbing, and “they” want to take the fucken elevator. Weak minded people don’t have a place in the nation, we cant be around them, they are cancer that could possibly spread behind our fortress walls. The Nation must work together to fight off the zombies.
My dad use to give me snicker bars before soccer games and tell me to kill everyone....I was 6, and I loved it. I would run up and down that soccer field like forest Gump. I wouldn’t ever pass the ball because I wanted the ball, I wanted to score. I would get thrown out of games from pushing a kid down because he pushed one of my team mates down. My dad would reward me for things like that. I know some might think that’s bad, and maybe it was, but I will tell you one thing, it made me a fighter, it made me fight for what I believed in. He would get thrown out of games from yelling at the refs in the middle of the field, "you’re out of here sir, and so is your damn kid"! Let’s go son, way to fight. Thanks dad, did I do good? Yes son I am proud of you, you really fought hard today. But dad other parents were talking about me not passing the ball, and how bad it was I pushed that kid down, why? Don’t worry about what people think of you son, you just be you and keep fighting every day. I love you, I love you to dad. Now let’s go get some beer and Buffalo wings, ok dad.
I have seen so many people in my life quit this sport, I feel I have been to war and I have lost many men. Every part of the gym reminds me of different people, different jokes and PR’s they would achieve. I miss them, I really do. They were good people, and even some I called my friends. But they all seem to slowly vanish in the cloudy chalk like a magic trick. I wonder where they went, and why they stopped. I love watching people train and get better, but I guess the word "better" has different meaning's to some. Some might not get a PR for a while, but there technique improves a ton and vice versa. Some might become much more consistent and comfortable with the weight, but there squat will go down and the three misses in training put them in a world of negativity and anger. I never under stood this. I would tell them "its ok, you only have been lifting for a few months, it takes time." But they don’t want to hear this, they want results and fast. They want to take the elevator, not the ladder. The next day a "no show", just memories of them on the old broken platform lifting weights while I cheer them on. The hardest part of being a coach is having to wipe away their names and PR'S from the white board, I hate it. I care, I really do. I want them to succeed; I want them to taste victory. Only if they knew how close they were to getting to level 2, then 3, then four and so on. I wish them the best of luck and hope they find something they love.
The Attitude Nation salutes all the fallen weightlifters. But we must move on. Goodbye to the weak, and onward the NATION MARCHES! Grab your snicker bars my friends, because there are many battles ahead of us!!!
ATTITUDE FUCKEN NATION 2012 !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, March 9, 2012
The Resume
The Birth of the Attitude Nation year 2007.
American Open Championships: 12th place - Total 276kg
2008
American Open Championships: 7th place Qualifying for Nationals! Total 310kg
2009
National Collegiate Championships: 4th place - Total 290kg
National Championships: 4th place in the 105kg weight class - Total 312kg
American Open Championships: Silver Medal - Total 314kg
2010
Arnold Championships: Winner - Qualified for first International meet at the Pan American Championships - Total 325kg
Pan Am Championships: 7th place - Total 318kg
American Open Championships: Silver Medal - Total 340kg
2011
Arnold Championships: Winner - Total 341kg
National Championships: GOLD MEDAL Snatch, Bronze Clean & Jerk, GOLD MEDAL total! - Making the Pan American Games - Total 346kg
Pan American Games: 4th place - Total 338kg
American Open Championships: Bronze Medal - Total 339kg
PWA Snatch record holder: 162kg, Clean & Jerk record holder: 193kg, Total record holder: 351kg.
2012
National Championships: Snatch Silver Medal, Clean & Jerk Bronze Medal, Total Bronze Medal - Total 343kg
Briefcase, Suit and Tie, Polished leather shoes, Gel in hair, shaved face, and an Attitude to keep working harder each day 2012
American Open Championships: 12th place - Total 276kg
2008
American Open Championships: 7th place Qualifying for Nationals! Total 310kg
2009
National Collegiate Championships: 4th place - Total 290kg
National Championships: 4th place in the 105kg weight class - Total 312kg
American Open Championships: Silver Medal - Total 314kg
2010
Arnold Championships: Winner - Qualified for first International meet at the Pan American Championships - Total 325kg
Pan Am Championships: 7th place - Total 318kg
American Open Championships: Silver Medal - Total 340kg
2011
Arnold Championships: Winner - Total 341kg
National Championships: GOLD MEDAL Snatch, Bronze Clean & Jerk, GOLD MEDAL total! - Making the Pan American Games - Total 346kg
Pan American Games: 4th place - Total 338kg
American Open Championships: Bronze Medal - Total 339kg
PWA Snatch record holder: 162kg, Clean & Jerk record holder: 193kg, Total record holder: 351kg.
2012
National Championships: Snatch Silver Medal, Clean & Jerk Bronze Medal, Total Bronze Medal - Total 343kg
Briefcase, Suit and Tie, Polished leather shoes, Gel in hair, shaved face, and an Attitude to keep working harder each day 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Yes! Hold It! Down, Great Job!
That Jerk is such a Jerk. Drive the bar above your head? No, drive it BACK behind your head. Over the ears? No my friend behind the ears, trust me.....behind the ears is Golden, literally. "Up in this sport really means back." - Paul Doherty. Missing in front is the single most frustrating thing you can do. If you’re going to miss, miss behind. But I guess a miss is miss no matter what. But missing behind makes you sleep a little better knowing that you put the power and energy in getting the bar that high and that far back. Where in front makes you feel you didn’t leave it all on the platform, you never really went for it. You have to think of the Jerk the way my friend Donny Shankle says, “If you miss the jerk, you will not enter paradise”. – Shankle aka lion killer. If only every weightlifter could hear the sweet words of this blog title all the time...now thats Paradise.
What a jerk the jerk can be when it doesn’t sit nicely on the shelf for everyone to see. Drive higher, don’t cut your dip and drive short, no matter how heavy the weight is. Reach for the sky my friend and catch with strength and pride. Hold it! Hold it! Punch up and hold! YES YES YES! That is a great feeling, and those are great words to here from your coach and the audience. Something that doesn’t always happens, but as I am figuring out....that’s just life and weightlifting. Life is not perfect, and sometimes the yes is more like ooooo. Tears of joy can easily become tears of let downs and sadness. Hugging your coach can be good or bad. Weightlifting will take you down many roads and emotions. “Weightlifting is a very hard sport”. – Everyone who is a weightlifter.
The worst part of missing the 188 is the jerk work coach has slammed on my table filled with superman pull sketches, blue prints for the clean, secrete training programs, coffee, smelly knee wraps, blood sweat and tears. Hold the bar above your head with 60 or so kilos, and lung into a jerk split to the end of the gym and back......hell. Then when you are done put 120kg on your back and do the same thing holding the position in the split for a good 2 seconds.....hell. Repeat 3 more times...hell. I don’t do any more clean and jerks; I do clean and jerk and jerk and jerk and then jerk again. Push presses tell the sun sets, more squats, harder training. A few months of this I should have the best Jerk in the world, I guess we shall see. More red meat, more sleep, more mind training. Mind training is the hardest part of this sport. Training your mind to go under weight you want to Clark. Staying confident and focused in a meet, not letting the bar intimidate you. Getting back on the horse after losing.....fuck, that’s a hard one.
I am writing this blog with the Shankle outside the green jungle. The sun is setting, training is finally over, and the coffee is extra strong....prefect time to write. Checked the PWA schedule so I can compete in every damn local meet there is. Keep building experience is a must, learning from your mistakes is so key. Who knows, maybe the best thing I ever did was miss the 88 jerk. Maybe next meet I will hit 200. Thank you all for your support from the comments on the blog, face book, and e mail, you are truly the reason why I am still standing and not throwing in the towel feeling sorry for myself. Attitude Nation marches on.
Jerk that damn jerk above your heads and then slam the bar. Let the world see how high you can throw heavy weight above your head, and not just above, but back! Get the bar back please, for me, for what I should have done!
Bar back 2012
Shankle and coffee 2012
Your kind words and support 2012
Attitude Nation Family 2012
What a jerk the jerk can be when it doesn’t sit nicely on the shelf for everyone to see. Drive higher, don’t cut your dip and drive short, no matter how heavy the weight is. Reach for the sky my friend and catch with strength and pride. Hold it! Hold it! Punch up and hold! YES YES YES! That is a great feeling, and those are great words to here from your coach and the audience. Something that doesn’t always happens, but as I am figuring out....that’s just life and weightlifting. Life is not perfect, and sometimes the yes is more like ooooo. Tears of joy can easily become tears of let downs and sadness. Hugging your coach can be good or bad. Weightlifting will take you down many roads and emotions. “Weightlifting is a very hard sport”. – Everyone who is a weightlifter.
The worst part of missing the 188 is the jerk work coach has slammed on my table filled with superman pull sketches, blue prints for the clean, secrete training programs, coffee, smelly knee wraps, blood sweat and tears. Hold the bar above your head with 60 or so kilos, and lung into a jerk split to the end of the gym and back......hell. Then when you are done put 120kg on your back and do the same thing holding the position in the split for a good 2 seconds.....hell. Repeat 3 more times...hell. I don’t do any more clean and jerks; I do clean and jerk and jerk and jerk and then jerk again. Push presses tell the sun sets, more squats, harder training. A few months of this I should have the best Jerk in the world, I guess we shall see. More red meat, more sleep, more mind training. Mind training is the hardest part of this sport. Training your mind to go under weight you want to Clark. Staying confident and focused in a meet, not letting the bar intimidate you. Getting back on the horse after losing.....fuck, that’s a hard one.
I am writing this blog with the Shankle outside the green jungle. The sun is setting, training is finally over, and the coffee is extra strong....prefect time to write. Checked the PWA schedule so I can compete in every damn local meet there is. Keep building experience is a must, learning from your mistakes is so key. Who knows, maybe the best thing I ever did was miss the 88 jerk. Maybe next meet I will hit 200. Thank you all for your support from the comments on the blog, face book, and e mail, you are truly the reason why I am still standing and not throwing in the towel feeling sorry for myself. Attitude Nation marches on.
Jerk that damn jerk above your heads and then slam the bar. Let the world see how high you can throw heavy weight above your head, and not just above, but back! Get the bar back please, for me, for what I should have done!
Bar back 2012
Shankle and coffee 2012
Your kind words and support 2012
Attitude Nation Family 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Yellow Brick Road
The highs and lows of this yellow brick road is something I haven’t seemed to figure out or grasp yet. The ups and downs of this sport are on the same level as trying to figure out a math problem. You have no idea where to start and how to find the solution. They tell me the solution is train times train equals win.....but sometimes the answer doesn’t come out the right way. I let you down and myself, and for that I am sorry. What happened? I jerked the bar above my head with everything I had. The wining lift was there for a split second before it came crashing down right in front of my eyes. As the weight hit the platform an earthquake took place, I felt my whole world tumbling around me. As the bar was over my head I remembered thinking to myself that I did it, I remember how happy I was for that half second....that was a great half second. But then my smile turned to dirt and dust as the bar fell in front of my face in slow motion like a piece of paper being dropped from a high building. The bar dropping reminded me of the end of a movie, as it fell it erased the audience into black, it killed my vision, it destroyed my fans.
Can we make a deal? I promise you I will train harder than ever if you don’t leave me. Will you stay if I keep fighting? I can’t promise you I will win every meet, but I can promise you I will be at everyone giving it my all, and fighting for myself and the Attitude Nation. I hope I don’t lose you, I love writing to you and chatting with you throughout this crazy journey of weightlifting. This blog is the only thing that keeps me sane, without it my training would suffer. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart; you have no idea how bad I feel. I have let you all down, and I am struggling to get back on the horse and find my identity again. I havnt slept in days, and my mind is being very hard on me. My tears have fallen and my hands hurt from wall punching. The "if only's” are attacking me, and I can’t seem to get away from the hell they are putting me in. I have a few pretty good excuses that I tell myself so I can feel better, but those are just cop outs. My forehead is bruised from knocking my head back and forth against the wall. And the talking to myself is getting much worse; I am sometimes worried I am losing it. If you stay with me it would mean the world to me, and shit, if you want the bronzes and the silver I will still send them to you.
The road continues, and the witches will always be out there, but I must keep training. I must keep competing. I will still be in the corner of my gym leashed to the platform training for whatever meet is around the corner. I am there when you need me, and there to do what I love, I am there always ready to put myself on the line and go for Gold. I am a weightlifter, win, lose, tie, Olympics or no Olympics, I lift weights over my head and I love doing it. I will not give up; I will not let this depression take me down like the Titanic. I am a fighter not a quitter, we are winners, and winning is what we will do. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but some day, some time I will win again and stand tall. I have always said that weightlifting is like dating, it’s a numbers game. If you ask 100 girls out, one will say yes. Same with weightlifting, I will be at every fucken meet there is, I am bound to win a few more! I refuse to let a medal tell me who I am. We wake up every day and we attack life, no matter what. We are not Rob Adel, we won’t quite, and I will never walk out on you.
Brian Drescher is my role model; I hope I can be like him when I get older. I truly admire his outlook on life. I will still be lifting weights doing what I love with a proud smile on my face like Brian. His swagger is awesome, his bravery to be what he wants is motivational, and he helps me when I get down, so thank you Brian.
I have wanted to write to you the last few days, but I couldn’t get the courage to talk to you with the state of mind I have been in. Depression is an understatement, and the prison my mind has locked me in wont seem to let me out. I was to depressed and worried about what you now think of me. Time is a great cure though, and I started to realize that we are like family, and family is always there for each other, so thank you.
You guys should have seen all the Attitude soldiers that were there at nationals. Everywhere I went handshakes, salutes, pictures, and autographs. There was USA weightlifting and then us slowly taking over. Even after the meet was over and the Bronze and Silver were around my neck, you were all still there. We are growing and fast. I was shocked at how many people saluted. A top weightlifter was sitting next to me seeing this happen, and he looked over at me and said "shit North, this is almost getting scary". lol, I said scary no, fucken awesome, yes.
I will be writing daily again about training for the Pan Am Championships in Mexico in 6 months. The journey will continue, and the Olympics are still in my reach. I just need to come out of my depression and figure out the math problem. Train times Train equals slam bars. talk to you tomorrow my friend.
Pan Am Championships 2012
Get back on the horse 2012
Attitude Nation 2012
PS: Thank you to the guy that was helping loading my weight in the back room. I never got a chance to shake your hand and tell you thank or even get your name. So thank you.
Can we make a deal? I promise you I will train harder than ever if you don’t leave me. Will you stay if I keep fighting? I can’t promise you I will win every meet, but I can promise you I will be at everyone giving it my all, and fighting for myself and the Attitude Nation. I hope I don’t lose you, I love writing to you and chatting with you throughout this crazy journey of weightlifting. This blog is the only thing that keeps me sane, without it my training would suffer. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart; you have no idea how bad I feel. I have let you all down, and I am struggling to get back on the horse and find my identity again. I havnt slept in days, and my mind is being very hard on me. My tears have fallen and my hands hurt from wall punching. The "if only's” are attacking me, and I can’t seem to get away from the hell they are putting me in. I have a few pretty good excuses that I tell myself so I can feel better, but those are just cop outs. My forehead is bruised from knocking my head back and forth against the wall. And the talking to myself is getting much worse; I am sometimes worried I am losing it. If you stay with me it would mean the world to me, and shit, if you want the bronzes and the silver I will still send them to you.
The road continues, and the witches will always be out there, but I must keep training. I must keep competing. I will still be in the corner of my gym leashed to the platform training for whatever meet is around the corner. I am there when you need me, and there to do what I love, I am there always ready to put myself on the line and go for Gold. I am a weightlifter, win, lose, tie, Olympics or no Olympics, I lift weights over my head and I love doing it. I will not give up; I will not let this depression take me down like the Titanic. I am a fighter not a quitter, we are winners, and winning is what we will do. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but some day, some time I will win again and stand tall. I have always said that weightlifting is like dating, it’s a numbers game. If you ask 100 girls out, one will say yes. Same with weightlifting, I will be at every fucken meet there is, I am bound to win a few more! I refuse to let a medal tell me who I am. We wake up every day and we attack life, no matter what. We are not Rob Adel, we won’t quite, and I will never walk out on you.
Brian Drescher is my role model; I hope I can be like him when I get older. I truly admire his outlook on life. I will still be lifting weights doing what I love with a proud smile on my face like Brian. His swagger is awesome, his bravery to be what he wants is motivational, and he helps me when I get down, so thank you Brian.
I have wanted to write to you the last few days, but I couldn’t get the courage to talk to you with the state of mind I have been in. Depression is an understatement, and the prison my mind has locked me in wont seem to let me out. I was to depressed and worried about what you now think of me. Time is a great cure though, and I started to realize that we are like family, and family is always there for each other, so thank you.
You guys should have seen all the Attitude soldiers that were there at nationals. Everywhere I went handshakes, salutes, pictures, and autographs. There was USA weightlifting and then us slowly taking over. Even after the meet was over and the Bronze and Silver were around my neck, you were all still there. We are growing and fast. I was shocked at how many people saluted. A top weightlifter was sitting next to me seeing this happen, and he looked over at me and said "shit North, this is almost getting scary". lol, I said scary no, fucken awesome, yes.
I will be writing daily again about training for the Pan Am Championships in Mexico in 6 months. The journey will continue, and the Olympics are still in my reach. I just need to come out of my depression and figure out the math problem. Train times Train equals slam bars. talk to you tomorrow my friend.
Pan Am Championships 2012
Get back on the horse 2012
Attitude Nation 2012
PS: Thank you to the guy that was helping loading my weight in the back room. I never got a chance to shake your hand and tell you thank or even get your name. So thank you.
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